she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
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