I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
