How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
