just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Randomize