Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
