i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
