whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Randomize
