I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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