He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
