i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Randomize
