Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
