Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Randomize
