Who wears a wallet chain?!
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
