I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
