Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
