if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Randomize
