She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Randomize
