I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Randomize
