Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
