Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
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