see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
