Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
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