If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
