Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
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