You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
