You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
