Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
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