last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
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