The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize
