I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Quick, to the slutcave!
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
