don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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