Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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