oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
