Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
