When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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