I CAN MOONWALK!
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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