You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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