you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
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