I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Randomize
