I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
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