So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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