i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
