He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
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