you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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