just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
As shirtless as possible
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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