small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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