just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
My ATM looks so different sober.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
third nipple confirmed
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
