i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Randomize
