We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
