ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
