I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
