...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Randomize
