Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Randomize
