I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
